Hey there. It’s been a while - sorry about that. The last month of events, both in life and in the United States has been…insane, to say the least. I’ve been angry, upset, but most of all, disappointed at how things have turned out - especially today.
I wanted to write about it, as nothing could be more relevant to my work than the environmental devastation and humanitarian crisis the US is about to go under, but it’s currently more important for me to stay sane.
So forgive me. I’ll revisit my anger another time, but I figure we could all use this short distraction anyways.
Self evaluation has always been one of the tougher actions to perform - I find especially as an artist, it’s hard to get a good grasp of yourself and where you’re at but sometimes, it just reveals itself to you.
As ever, I was editing a photo. It’s a panorama I made earlier this year consisting of 200 individual images. To process them, I need to edit each image, stitch them together into one big ol image, then do some finishing touches on the final image.
Seems simple enough, but reality is often a trickier bastard than that. At each step of the way, my computer was crashing, the images wouldn’t stitch correctly, I’d be unhappy at the way the edit turned out, and then have to start the whole process over, waiting hours between each step as my computer cries in agony.
After waiting another few hours for the images to process for the fourth time that day, I finally successfully exported the final image only to read “This file type is not supported.” As I went to export the image in a different format, I had some flashbacks to my past.
I’m in a tiny bedroom, small enough that my door wouldn’t open fully because it’d hit my bed, hunched in front of a scratched up monitor editing some image. I’d work on the image for a bit, only to be unhappy with the results. Soon, I’d yell out in frustration, close Photoshop, and just never touch that image again.
I laughed at my younger self - ignorant to the trials and further frustration I would cause my current self by giving up and not sticking with the image till the end.
The me from all those years ago would have given up when the first stitch attempt failed - I wouldn’t even have known to try export the image in a different format, nor would I have known how to even come to that solution.
Diving deeper into this self-evaluation, I’ve found that my overall focus (pardon the pun) has shifted. I don’t care what camera or lens I’m using, I don’t care what programs I have available, I don’t care what the weather is like, I don’t care whether or not the way I edit my images is going to meet societal approval, I don’t even care if I like the image anymore.
My only remaining concern is the subject - an image could follow all the rules and still be utter garbage. See exhibit A below for a prime example.
Everything in the image above is “technically” correct. Everything’s exposed well and in focus, there are multiple strong leading lines, it’s edited with a popular “film style preset,” follows the rule of 3rds, captured with a high end (at the time) camera and top of the line glass - yet it sucks. It’s uninspired, it’s uninspiring, and it evokes no emotion.
Photography used to feel like being thrown into a bullpen with nothing but my bare hands and a starved T-Rex. Too many variables, too many decisions, and not enough time to weigh them all before I had to do something.
Once I freed myself from the burdens of what a “proper photo” should be like and fostered connections with my subjects, I’ve found everything just comes a lot easier. Making a good image, as it turns out, is more about showcasing your subject and telling a story than it is getting everything perfect.
That said, like with everything, obviously there’s a healthy balance to be had and it’s not like I completely ignore my camera settings - my fingers just move on their own now.
Have you felt stuck as an artist, or unhappy with the progress you’re making? What steps are you or have you taken to settle those uneasy thoughts? I’d love to hear about your journey as an artist.
As always, thank you all for reading and hope everyone has a great weekend.